I don’t ever clip coupons.  Ultimately they’re not that great a deal. And, with technology being what it is, why should I waste my time clipping virtually useless scraps when I can just make MY OWN? When I make my own coupons, instead of something lame like “10% Off when you spend over a thousand dollars on stuff you don’t need,” the values are as limitless as my imagination. Like so:

Buy One- Get a Million Dollars!  Now THAT’S a good deal! And you don’t have to limit yourself to cash. There are lots of other more comprehensive services I would like to have a substantial discount on. For instance, you hear people griping about the cost of sending their kids to school. They just need one of these:

And it’s no secret that housing costs are the biggest expense on everybody’s ledger. They should redeem one of these:

And you could save time, money, and feel better if you had this:

And if you ever feel the need to get away, and you happen to like pizza, check this deal out:

And they always say, you can’t put a price on good health. True. But with the right coupon you can help insure good health very reasonably.

And if you ever get in trouble, there’s this:

And if someone pisses you off, you can just cash in one of these:

Perhaps best of all, you could cash in this one and potentially solve any and all of your problems at once.

So, you see, making your own coupons offers incredible advantages over clipping the ones that the manufacturers and business owners put forth. No one looks out for you quite so proactively as you look out for yourself.

Eric Ruhalter is the author of the Hilarious book series The KidDictionary: Words Parents Need To Describe Their Kids. Take a video peek inside at www.TheKidDictionary.com